The Heart of the Human Problem — the Human Heart
“… they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves” (Gen. 3:7)
Internal message: “I’m defective. If I open up, I’ll be rejected.”
Operating System Core: Safety through self-reliance
Core Beliefs:
“I’m defective / not enough.”
“I’ll be smothered, controlled, or consumed if I get too close.”
“If I’m truly seen, I’ll be rejected.”
Values (Protective Investments):
Autonomy – “I’m fine. Don’t need much.”
Control – Staying emotionally in charge, avoiding surprises or exposure.
Self-sufficiency – “Let’s keep it light and moving.”
Image management – Appearing “put together” to avoid being known too deeply.
These values serve to maintain distance and protect from vulnerability.
Behaviours:
Performing – Seeking worth through success, morality, or perfection.
Avoiding – Steering clear of emotional depth or conflict.
Disengaging – Deflecting vulnerability, changing the subject.
Downplaying needs – Believing comfort or support is unnecessary.
Spiritualizing – Using Christian language to sidestep emotion.
Shutting down – Emotionally going flat or quiet.
Numbing – Escaping into work, screens, food, or busyness.
Growth Path: Healing the Hider
- Name & share one feeling and one need out loud
- Practice asking for and receiving care, without reciprocating immediately
- Stay present for 10–15 minutes during repair or emotional conversation
- Pray from your heart: raw, messy, honest—before you pray about the situation